Tag Archives: body image

Lymphie Stories: Donna S.

Submitted by Donna S., August 2012.

I am 34 years old and 2 1/2 years ago my left leg started to swell.  I was and still am a keen fitness fanatic and was always self conscious about my weight even though I was a size 10.  At the time I was single.

I went to the doctors several times about it and I was told that it was just a sprain and was put on a course of directics.  It wasn’t until around 8 months later and several vists to my GP that I was referred for numerous tests.  I was finally diagnosed in January 2010.

The day before my final diagnosis I had met a lovely man and then finding out that I had Primary Lymphoedema I felt like my world had ended.  How would this man love me if he were to find out?  After getting to know him I decided a week later to tell him.  Well we are now living together and have a 10 month old gorgeous little boy called George.

I have my good days and bad days, days when I feel “why me?” and when my leg is at its worse I feel moody and tearful.  Chris always says never look on the negative but look at the positives and to be honest I feel almost glad this has happened to me.  I am not self centred anymore or obsessed about my weight…. Life is for the living, so long as I can walk I’m grateful.  My left leg is slightly bigger than the right BUT it’s my leg, part of who I am and I still love it.  I still have bad days but my family get me through …. Chris, my baby George and my lovely mum and dad and I love them all x

Submit your story to the Lymphie Life! Use the contact form here to share your personal story of living with lymphedema, and, with your permission, it’ll be posted on the website.

Body Image, part 2

For the past two and a half weeks, I’ve been in treatment for my eating disorder. This is the second time I’ve been in treatment and I’m sharing this with you all because my lymphedema has played a large role in my eating disorder’s complex development and continues to affect my body image every day – something I think most of you can relate to, eating disorder or not.

When I was in middle school, a peer made a comment that stuck with me to this day: “You wouldn’t look so fat if you didn’t have that cankle.” Cankle. She had spit out the word like it was disgusting, ugly, and ever since then I’ve felt the same: because my leg was fat and ugly, I was fat and ugly. If I lost weight, then my leg would get skinnier and I wouldn’t look fat anymore. If it weren’t for my disgusting, ugly, fat leg, I could be happy.

And so began my distorted thinking about my body and my self, one that would hold such a tight grip that, ten years later, I’m still struggling to break free of. I don’t have a real purpose for this post as I’ve spoken about body image and my eating disorder before, but it’s something that’s been on my mind a lot lately. As I re-enter treatment for my body and mind, I’ve been rethinking the way that I treat my leg. I’ve been so spotty in my lymphedema care, usually ignoring it because I’d just be so angry at it. Now, though, I’m in a different mindset. A more therapeutic one. It’s a part of my body that requires special care, just like the parts of me that have been so damaged from my eating disorder. My body as a whole needs as much love and nourishment as I can give it, and that includes lymphedema maintenance.

I’ve been really good about wearing my compression garments every day and what’s helped me is to think about it as though I’m taking daily medicine: I wouldn’t skip my other medications, would I? Of course not! Yeah, it still gets me down a lot, but when I catch myself getting frustrated with my leg or with lymphedema maintenance, I remind myself that if I don’t take care of it like I’m supposed to it will get worse, and then I’ll really have a reason to be upset.

Our lymphedema isn’t our “fault,” it’s not a punishment or something to resent. It also isn’t something we must live our lives for – rather, it’s something we must adjust our lives to. Instead of being upset that I can’t wear short sundresses in the summertime, I need to get excited about the pretty longer skirts and dresses that are available. Instead of getting angry at my leg, I need to take care of it. It’s a part of me, after all, whether I like it or not.

My current mantra.

Okay, with that being said, I need to get something off my chest: I feel absolutely AWFUL about not regularly posting on here in what seems like months. As some of you may know, I run another blog focused on my eating disorder and recovery, and that usually takes precedence. I do promise to upkeep with this blog more often because you all are so wonderful. I have so much love & thankfulness for all of you – you not only read my blog but also actively comment and help one another, and that’s so amazing and beautiful. I couldn’t ask to be part of a better community!!

(PS: I’ve been working on a logo for the site to appear on merchandise, like shirts, tote bags, etc. Exciting! Below is the extremely rough draft; suggestions and comments much appreciated!)

Body Image


Today kicks off this year’s National Eating Disorders Awareness Week, and I thought it would be a perfect time to discuss the issues of body image and lymphedema.

Body image is something that everyone deals with, but those with lymphedema are especially susceptible to having low self-confidence in regard to their bodies. This is something that needs to be addressed because it can lead to much more serious problems, such as depression and eating disorders.

Six years ago, I developed an eating disorder. Although there are several contributing factors to how it began, one of the most prominent ones was that I had thought that if I lost weight, the swelling in my leg would go down. I convinced myself that it was the only way to get rid of my lymphedema, and that I would never be pretty or worthwhile unless my leg was thinner. Over the years I continued to lose weight and wreck my body until, in March of 2010, I was pulled out of college and put into a treatment program for two months. I am now in the difficult stages of recovery, and working hard to get my physical and mental self back to a healthy state.

Losing weight is not the answer to lymphedema. The swelling is exactly that – it is swelling, a collection of fluids, that weight loss cannot change. Pumps and diuretics are also useless with lymphedema – there is no “quick fix,” no magic cure. We can only adjust ourselves and our thinking so that it does not cloud the way we see ourselves as the beautiful, delightful people that we really are.

What a lot of people don’t realize about lymphedema is that it creates a lot of anguish for those who suffer from it. Little things become tremendous, such as buying shoes or wearing certain kinds of clothing. It affects how you see yourself, what you think you deserve, and how you interact with other people. Even the weather is your enemy – summertime is not a carefree vacation, but instead a season where you’re completely exposed, and the heat makes your swelling even worse. You’re constantly worrying about how you look or if your swelling is noticeable. You feel detached, alienated, and different from everyone else. You feel alone.

But why? Why should we let this get in the way of feeling good about ourselves? Why should we obsess over it, be consumed by it? It isn’t healthy, and it certainly isn’t productive. Instead of worrying about our bodies, why not celebrate them?

In honor of National Eating Disorders Awareness Week, let’s challenge ourselves to love how we look. Let’s actually feel confident when we leave our houses in the morning. Let’s wear that skirt with pride, or wear that short sleeved shirt. Let’s be proud of ourselves, let’s flirt with ourselves in the mirror. Let’s be unafraid. Let’s face the world head-on.

Will you join me?

 

 

How do you deal with body image? How has it affected your life? What do you do to overcome it? Please share in the comments section below!