Please indulge me, as I need to rant a little bit..
Today started out as a good one. My dad came up to Vermont for the weekend to attend an awards dinner I was being honored at, so we got to spend a lot of much-needed time together. This afternoon we got lunch and Ben & Jerry’s, and then took a nice walk around Burlington before we parted ways. It was such a great day, but right now I feel so shitty. I don’t know why, but I fell into a deep low about an hour ago and still can’t get out of it. I don’t know whether I want to cry or just go numb. It doesn’t help that I have a ten page paper to write by tomorrow, either..
I’m not sure why I feel this way; it could be any number of things. This Wednesday is the one year anniversary of my being admitted into treatment for my eating disorder, and I have been thinking about that a lot, and what that means. I have come a long way in terms of my recovery and behavior modifications, but the mental stuff is a little harder to shake. I still have problems with body image, and the lymphedema affects that a lot. Having a swollen leg makes me feel like less of a person sometimes, like I’m not deserving of any attention because I’m grotesque, not normal, not perfect. I know, I know.. “nobody’s perfect”.. but hearing that doesn’t make me feel any better.